God reminds me to see the designs for my life unfold in my heart. The past few weeks has been a rollercoaster ride for me. My husbands' company cut down on their resources and he was one among the many who have been laid off. It did not come as a surprise as the company has been out of balance for quite a while, but still its a pain in a butt. Although I have a work , it is still a lost. At first i was so full of courage and look at it the positive way. I know this is also part of Gods plan for us. I started to reconstruct our monthly budget , the bills, had to give up our nanny, school activities, cut off our leisures and dine out and so on and so forth. I told Jay that there are lot of other opportunities for him. It was when he started finding job that it all sink in. We realized that there more of us here than what we thought and that there are less available job the those who are unemployed. The scare of not being able to get a new sponsor for our visa and our pending application to Canada which is applied in this country. Little by little, i started to feel fear of many things. Many what ifs and worries. My faith was shaken that even in prayers i dont know anymore what i want to ask from God , afraid that I might be asking and claiming for the wrong things. My lack of faith pulled me to come up with numerous plan on how to survive the situation. But even then i dont have the peace. I couldnt come to God as all i see is fear of what if? The road seems to narrow and the path growing darker slowly everyday. Jay couldnt get a lead with his job hunting. The fear consumes me that sometime I hurt the people surrounding me. I thought I am tough enough. I was wrong. Then comes my God whispers for today.
Jeremiah 29:11 " I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
He never intended for me to have a lousy future. His plans are great. I just need to hang on and hold on to that promise. It is easier said than done, yes, but thats how faith is. You have to believe, not by what you can calculate with your senses but what God has put in your heart. And yes, bad things happen for a reason, maybe a call of discipline, still it is an act of love. I went down on my knees and God gave me peace, and courage to keep the faith knowing that it is only by the grace and mercy of God that i have live this life and sustained it. Thank God.
